Self-trophying

I sometimes hear people complain that in today’s society, “everyone gets a trophy.” This is usually in reference to the common practice in youth sports leagues of giving trophies to all players simply for participating. “If everyone gets a trophy, then the trophy doesn’t mean anything,” they say. Or, “In real life you don’t get a trophy all the time.”

Those things might be true. Life is tough and there are winners and losers. We all learn that lesson someday though, and whether or not everyone getting a trophy prevents kids from learning that lesson in a timely fashion is not a question I’m prepared to answer. I will say, however, that in real life (by which I assume people mean “adult” life), no one cares how well you can hit, kick or catch a ball either, but that doesn’t stop us from acting like it’s important.

But the real reason that I’m not prepared to comment on the rightness or wrongness of everybody getting a trophy is because I give myself trophies all the time, and rarely do I do anything to deserve them.

(Just so we’re clear here, I don’t give myself actual trophies. That would be weird. I’m talking virtual trophies here. Anyone who has ever had a real trophy knows that those things fall apart after a year or two, and anyway, who needs the clutter?)

For instance, the parking situation at my place of employment is pretty lousy. There are hundreds of street parking spaces, but they’re usually filled by the time I get to work. But if by chance I get to work and there’s an empty space right in front of my building, I’ll park there. And then, as I walk into work, there’s an extra spring in my step as though I did something special. I feel a sense of accomplishment. I’ll tell my co-workers where I parked.

 But what did I do? I pushed a pedal and steered a wheel to a certain place and happened to get there at the exact time a space big enough for my car opened up.

In other words, I did nothing.

And it’s not just parking.

On more than one occasion I’ve cracked open an egg while cooking and come across a double yolk! Great Caesar’s Ghost you’d think I’d just split the atom or something. I’ll show my wife and kids and they’ll look at the two yolks and say, “That’s awesome!” or something equivalent, and then go about their day.

I’ll get so excited that I consider taking a picture of the two yolks and posting it on Facebook.

Or write a blog post about it.

It’s like I personally put those two yolks in that egg. But I didn’t. Obviously. I didn’t even purposely choose that egg. The two yolks showed up by mere chance. That doesn’t stop me from giving myself a Best Double Yolk Finder trophy.

Maybe we just have to enjoy the small things in life. I mean what’s more exciting than flipping open a big, thick book with hundreds of pages and landing on the exact page you intended? Nothing, that’s what!

Pure chance or a skill honed by years of practice? I think my Expert Book Opener trophy answers that question.

 But perhaps the most ridiculous self-trophying that I do involves my television. We have a DVR and at the moment that DVR is approximately 55% full. That’s dozens of hours of television shows, movies and cartoons. One movie has been on there since 2011, I think.

If I had nothing to do this weekend, and sat down and watched twenty hours of television and got that DVR down to only 37% full, I’d feel like I really accomplished something. I’d think the weekend was productive. Yet what did I do? I sat on my butt and looked at something. That’s about as close as you can get to doing nothing without actually doing nothing!

Does it deserve a Champion DVR Clearer trophy?

Absolutely.

So does everyone deserve a trophy? I don’t know. Maybe kids in youth sports deserve trophies simply for putting up with adults for the entire season. That’s an accomplishment to be proud of!